There are two kinds of testimonies for the believer:
- Saving Testimony – The day he/she becomes born-again i.e. Accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour
- Daily Testimony – The everyday blessing of walking with the Lord Jesus Christ
The purpose of this page is to briefly tell you my Saving Testimony and my prayer & hope is to share some daily testimonies on this platform. I think it is worth mentioning here that a Testimony is not necessarily positive – from a fleshly human perspective. The fact is that some days it does not feel like victory to walk with Jesus. However, in those days the victory for me is really that I got through the day. Life can be extremely tough. Some seasons are much more difficult than others. Therefore, to simply survive the day or season could be considered a victory. There are seasons which are easier as well. I’ve learned that life balances itself and that as time progresses and as we continually hold onto Jesus, we actually become stronger, even though life is still hard. In essence, we become more difficult than the difficulty.
MY SAVING TESTIMONY
I used to run away from anyone who deemed to be a Christian. I definitely did not want to listen to them or wanted anything to do with them. I was one of those who mocked believers. (This is why I understand when people mock me. I do not judge them, because I did exactly the same.) I also cussed at them for talking to me about Jesus. And yet… they just seemed to keep on coming and I was really irritated. In 2007, I started dealing with my Dad’s death. He died in 2000 when I was only 13 years old. I did not have a good relationship with him and to me he basically did not exist. I’ve never heard him say “I love you”. I also used to be scared of him. Hence, I thought that I did not have to deal with his death and I did not think at all that it would affect me the way it eventually did. I was in denial for 7 years, until I could not hold it in any longer. In 2007, I entered a psychologists office for the first time and my first words were – “I am lost. I do not know what I am doing here.”
My journey of recovery started here, but it would first get worse before it would eventually be better. I was diagnosed with major depression and severe anxiety disorder in 2007. Part of my diagnosis was to ascertain how my sleeping pattern was. And at that time, I did not have good sleep for about 5 years. It was the grief I was hiding and denying, that eventually caused this to happen. I started taking medication and also dealing with my Dad’s death. Things got worse for me as the medication and the trauma affected me negatively. I failed my 3rd year at university in 2007. This was also the first time I failed. It’s an understatement to say that I felt like a failure. I was suicidal during 2008, because I did not know how to deal with everything. I was hiding this so well. On the outside it looked like I was prospering, because in 2008 I returned to complete my degree. But, on the inside I was slipping away to an even darker pit. During 2008, I found myself in a very lonely place. It is the worst kind of loneliness to have people around you who love you and care for you, but you still feel lonely, because “no-one understands” i.e. not family nor fiends nor anyone in the world. I felt like this for a very long time.
Through a host of different circumstances, I found myself at the pinnacle of wanting to commit suicide and planning exactly how I would do it. I was in residence on the 3rd floor and the final options were to jump or to hang myself on the tree outside my balcony. One night as I was lying in bed contemplating this and really being at my last. I cried to Jesus and said: “Life is not worth living anymore. I want to die. If you are real, please save me and I will serve you.” At that very moment – immediately – I felt a peace that I have never felt before. I then fell asleep. When I woke up the next day, I had hope. Things were still bad for me, but I had hope. I did not know how things were going to turn out, but I had hope. And what really caused my turnaround, is when my hope turned into faith. Hebrews 11:1 (TPT) says: “Now faith brings our hopes into reality and becomes the foundation needed to acquire the things we long for. It is all the evidence required to prove what is still unseen.” I have learned that faith is not self-manufactured or self-produced. In actual truth, it has nothing to do with the flesh. Faith is Spiritual and it only comes through hearing and hearing by the Word of God – as stated in Romans 10:17 (NKJV). Jesus came into my heart that evening – through the Holy Spirit. I am 100% certain of this. And I have never looked back. I cannot look back. God is so good.
All of the above is really only a summary of events, which lead to me accepting Jesus Christ. I believe that it is not a single event which leads us to accept Jesus Christ. For example: it is not only the sermon we hear on the Sunday we raise our hand, in church, to accept Him. I believe that it is really everything and every seed that was sown along the way, which brings us to that point. And there will be people sent by God (His Messengers) who will sow the seeds. It will be up to us to accept Him. There is an English proverb that I heard a lot growing up – “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink” – meaning that you can give someone an opportunity but not force them to take it. God sent Jesus to die for me and yet, I rejected His Son for a very long time. People also presented Jesus to me and I still rejected Him. Hence, there are many along the path of righteousness whom God uses to speak into our lives. And it is all of these situations, circumstances and the people who ultimately lead us to the Saviour. But, no-one can force us to truly accept Him. My prayer of course is that you do accept Him and to continually grow in Him. One of my favourite scriptures in the bible is: “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.” [(Psalm 34:8 NIV)] You have to taste Him for yourself. And the taste becomes better every day.
I am the first person who is disqualified from Heaven. My past is ugly and I had a lot of hidden sin (the most dangerous of all because you are dying in secret, seeing that sin always lead to death – spiritual or physical). But, Jesus still saved me. He did not deny me access into the Kingdom. He could’ve easily done so and I do not deserve to be saved. But, this is exactly what makes it so amazing to belong to God… He loves us based on who He is, and not on whom we are and what we do. His grace is sufficient for us, but He desires a repentant heart i.e. someone who has godly sorrow, confessing their sin and turning away from it – by accepting Jesus’s help. I still have sin in my life today, but every day I am conquering – the sin, self and the world system (my 3 enemies) – and moving closer to Jesus Christ – through the Holy Spirit and God’s empowering grace (not my own efforts or ability). This sentence is in summary – my Daily Testimony.
Remember Always,
GOD LOVES YOU.
He desires more than you, for you to accept Him. This is my prayer and desire for you as well – to have a genuine, sincere and authentically and intimately close relationship with God, through Jesus Christ.
GOD BLESS YOU!